Love Advice from the Great Duke of Hell

Check out our episode here!

Love Advice from the Great Duke of Hell (episodes 1-8) by unfins

Ep.1. 

In the bookstore, Paul buys a book with a red cover and a pentagram on the front and heads home. His purchase is seen by his little sister who thinks that Paul’s behavior has been strange recently as it seems Paul is a regular at the bookstore lately. Easily distracted by the latest viral social media optical illusion, Paul’s little sister goes to ask Paul what color he thinks the dress is. She does not get an answer.

Paul is in his room doing some sort of ritual, his eyes are dark and his pupils are dilated, his right hand is outstretched and he’s speaking Latin from the book he’s just bought. In front of him, rising out of a crowd of screaming souls, is a tall dark creature. From the neck down, they look black and are draped in a black toga. Their face is a bleached white skull with sharp razor teeth and two black horns protruding from their forehead. Paul’s little sister backs out of the room, closing the door. 

Ep.2.

The ritual book lies face down on the ground. The demon is laughing, impressed by the little human who summoned him, for he is Astaroth of the 23 Great Dukes of Hell. As per the ritual's contact, Astaroth will let Paul borrow an ounce of his power for six days at the low, low cost of his soul!! [insert maniacal laughter here]. What do you seek?

Well, Paul looks a little embarrassed as he explains. There’s a girl… and he doesn't have any experience with this kind of stuff… so Paul asks Astaroth to talk to the girl and find out if she like-likes him. What?

Ep.3. 

Sitting at the outside tables at the Holy Café, a bespectacled man is served his coffee and he’d like some cake too. His server is Elena, the girl Paul wants Astaroth to talk to. Paul and Astaroth are watching her from across the street. It’s a lot creepy. 

Astaroth is confused, he doesn’t think Paul really gets it. He’s a Great Duke of Hell, he rules over a legion of bloodthirsty demons, he could turn the city to ashes! There is endless power at Paul’s disposal, but he wants to use it to chase a girl? Basically, yes. Across the street some man is flirting with Elena. Devastating.

Ep.4.

Flirty Man is minding his own business on the train listening to music. He gets off at his stop and continues his journey. Hands reach through the pavement and grab Flirty Man. More and more hands emerge latching on to Flirty Man, covering him and dragging him down. 

The hands let Flirty Man go in front of Paul who is sitting in a throne-like chair. His eyes are dark like when he cast the ritual to summon Astaroth, and he is unamused at his guest. What the in the actual fuck just happened?!?!

Ep.5.

Paul tells Flirty Man he is in Limbo. Because he died. Now, in order to save his soul, Flirty Man must confess. Huh? Paul holds up a picture of Elena and demands to know their relationship. Flirty Man says they are friends. Paul's face twists and he looks like Astaroth as he demands if it is “intimate friends”? 

Flirty Man insists they just work together. Paul goes back to normal, tells Flirty Man this is just a prank, and everything is cool, now please leave his bedroom. Outside, Flirty Man looks to the sky. What the actual fuck? 

Ep.6.

Paul comes out of his room, feeling all chipper to find Astaroth holding his unconscious little sister. This is not what it looks like. Paul calls 911 to report a demon assault while Astaroth insists she only fainted when she saw him. Oh… okay… Astaroth does have a unique face. With a sigh, Paul warns Astaroth to be more careful as he uses the many hands trick to take his sister to bed. 

Astaroth looks at the trick, potentially quizzically. (It’s difficult to say what with skulls not being hugely emotive.) Paul learned some neat tricks while looking for the summoning ritual and shows off one that he learned. Paul points to a skyscraper, raises his hand in a peace sign and a hand explodes from the top of the building, fingers in a V. Astaroth is possibly perturbed, or confused. 

Ep.7.

A large, overly compensating banner with a cross-hilt sword surrounded by olive branches is the only decoration on the walls of a nondescript room. A man sits behind a large, overly compensating desk facing three people in suits and sunglasses. They must be compensating for something too. Desk Man addresses the three suits, pointing out the large fucking hand on the roof of their building. It is clear to him that it is a direct attack from the Sons of Baphomet, a demon-worshipping cult with a combined following strong enough to perform such a childish spell. Desk Man insists that they, the Holy Order, are the only ones who can fight this evil and save the world from the clear and present evil. 

Suit #1, Smith, feels they have more pressing matters to discuss, such as who the best Powerpuff Girl is. Suit #2 is affronted at Smith’s audacity, they already know which Powerpuff Girl is the best. Smith agrees it is Buttercup (the green one). Suit #3, Igor, begs to differ, it’s clearly Bubbles (the blue one). The conversation degenerates into name calling between Smith and Igor. Suit #2 pipes up and corrects them both, it’s Mojo Jojo. Desk Man has his head in his hands, probably reassessing his life choices. 

Ep.8. 

The Powerpuff Girl argument continues and very valid points are being made but it’s a sensitive subject and Igor’s fists start flying at Smith who dodges out of the way. Smith and Igor both shout at Suit #2 to shut up about Mojo Jojo. 

Outside the nondescript room with an overly compensating banner and desk, Desk Man pulls out his flip phone, muttering about morons while he scrolls through his contact list. Thankfully he has Agent Moor who he has reached out to. He will come by the following day with the details. Elena hangs up the phone then puts on her apron for her shift.